I’m not gonna lie, I am NOT a perfect parent. Sure, I have a blog where I give advice and share tips but I am the first to admit that I am far from perfect…and that’s ok!
Tried to be Perfect with my First Child…
When I had my first child I tried to be perfect. When I was pregnant, I had smoothies as part of breakfast instead of coffee, I switched to mainly meat and veggies right before I got pregnant and continued the course during pregnancy. I treated my body like a temple and treated my son in the most precious way. When my eldest was 1, I left my career to become a stay-at-home mom and loosely taught him a curriculum in addition to ECFE classes. Things were great.
Once I had the twins though, that all went out the window. Especially for the first year, we just needed to survive.
The Freedom in Not Trying to be Perfect
Even after the first year of having a 2-year-old and twins, I realized with three kids just 2 years apart things are never going to be perfect, or quiet. On top of that, having three boys means things are going to be active, chaotic, and they’re not going to take “no” for an answer when it comes to danger. It’s as though they have to try each thing out on their own, and get hurt, before they believe that whatever it is may hurt them. It’s hard for me to let go but I’m working on it.
Having more freedom and not feeling like I have to be perfect is amazing. Though my background as a school psychologist has given me a lot of knowledge that I can use for raising my children and teaching them, it doesn’t mean I always use them. I’m realizing there is a lot I have forgotten from my graduate studies 10 years ago, especially since I left my career 4 years ago. I used to hold myself to a ridiculous standard due to my prior profession and training but realized that was just stressing me out. Nobody is perfect.
What I Thought Before I Had Kids
With my training in school psychology and many child psychology courses, I felt like I was a pro before I was a parent. I had no clue. I had no idea what it was like to have children, let alone have multiple children.
Before I had kids, I didn’t understand why parents weren’t constantly on the floor with their children playing with them. I didn’t understand why parents looked at their phones while at the park with their kids playing nearby. I didn’t understand why people didn’t want to take their kids shopping with them. Once I had one kid, I didn’t understand why my coworker told me that I should be glad my child couldn’t talk yet when all I wanted was for him to talk so I knew what he needed.
Now I Get It
Now I get it, more than I ever thought I would. My child who I was always hoping would talk because I wanted to know what he needed as a 1-year-old now won’t stop talking as a 5-year-old.
I’m now that parent who isn’t on the floor playing with their kids all day because even though I am a stay-at-home mom now, there is a lot to be done. Meal planning, meal prep, cooking, dishes, cleaning, finding activities for my children, researching whatever ailment one of them has this week, or heaven forbid, doing something I want to do, such as writing this blog post. There is always something to be done.
I do spend ample time teaching my preschool aged children in the mornings, two different curricula based on their ages, and continue that teaching throughout the day through play. I do join them to play from time to time, especially when they invite me, but not as often as I thought I would.
Honestly though, often they don’t want me there. Often when I do get down on the floor to play with them they very loudly and clearly say “LEAVE ME ALONE!!” So I do. Even before becoming a mom, my training has told me that kids need independent play and need to explore on their own. I take that to heart.
Unlike me as an only child, these boys have siblings to play with as well. I remember when I was younger I always wanted a sibling to play games with or just play with in general. These little guys each have two siblings and they’re so close in age they all like the same stuff. This can be a good thing or a bad thing but that’s another issue.
More Reasons I’m Not a Perfect Parent
Though I didn’t get it before I had kids, I am now the parent who looks at her device when my kids are entertaining themselves. Right now we are outside on a nice sunny day and I’m sitting here with my laptop on the driveway as they drive around in their Little Tikes Cozy Coupes. I’m interacting with them, helping them when needed, and drew a chalk road on the driveway with a gas station and restaurant with a grill. They’ve got it made and they’re just fine.
Still though, when neighbors pass by walking their dogs I feel guilty just sitting here on my computer. Assuming they’re judging me for being a “lazy parent” or something of the sort. I get where they’re coming from but it leads me to want to yell out, “I know I seem lazy but I’ve been teaching them all morning and parenting through the fights they have, they need some independent playtime and I need some time to recoup.” Of course, I don’t say this and I’m sure not everyone is judging me, but who knows.
Don’t Judge Others
As I write that I feel everyone is judging me, I also know that even if they are, I shouldn’t care. They don’t know me, my situation, what my kids are really like, or what I’m working on. I try not to care even if I think someone might be judging me, but it is difficult.
The way I see it, I know what I’m doing, as much as any parent, and my kids are healthy, generally happy, and safe. That’s all that matters.
I think it’s really important that we don’t judge each other, whether we are parents or not. Just as no one knows the ins and outs of my kids and what it’s like to raise them, I don’t know the ins and outs of anyone else’s family. Even if I did, unless a child is being hurt, there is no reason for judgment.
I now understand what it’s like to have children having an all-out tantrum in the middle of Target because I said no to a toy they wanted that is $100+. I now know what it’s like to be outnumbered when at the park or out for a walk, I have two arms and three kids, you do the math. I know what it’s like to have three kids fighting over three identical toys in the middle of the yard as though they were the only toys we owned. Parenting is often chaos and it shouldn’t be judged. We’re all just trying to do our best and raise good little humans.
Why I’m Telling You This
The big reason I’m admitting to not being a perfect parent is I don’t want anyone to think that I think that I am, just because I have a blog. I have a blog because I love writing and it’s an outlet for me. I want to help others with my writing, especially about things that I don’t feel are written about enough such as Hypothyroidism and Pregnancy and what it’s like to have an older singleton and then twins.
I also don’t want you to think I think I’m a perfect parent just because I was a school psychologist. Sure, I have a couple of graduate degrees but it doesn’t make me an expert in raising children. It means I’m able to counsel children, figure out how to help them learn best when they are struggling in school, and administer assessments to see if they qualify for special education services. The main part of my job was to conduct special education assessments, interpret results, write up reports, collaborate with others, and be part of eligibility meetings where I generally was the one to give the bad news, one way or another. My job was not to tell others how to raise their children then, and it surely isn’t now.
I became a school psychologist to help kids, and though it has aided me in dealing with many issues that arise as a parent, it doesn’t make me a perfect parent. My kids are well-fed, when they actually eat, they’re safe, and they’re loved. That’s what matters.
You do what’s right for you and your family and don’t worry about trying to be perfect.
As a mom of identical twins and a son two years older, I have gained invaluable experience in the realm, and chaos, of parenting. With a Master's Degree and Education Specialist Degree in School Psychology, I spent years as a school psychologist, helping children navigate through their educational and emotional challenges. Now as a stay at home mom and professional blogger, I combine my areas of expertise to help you in your parenting journey.