There are a lot of things you just can’t know before having twins and that people don’t typically tell you about having twins. Here is a roundup of those things to help twin mamas to be prepare, based off my own experiences as a twin mom and what I’ve heard from other twin moms.
Insider Info About Having Twins
There are many things that ‘they’ don’t tell you about having twins that twin moms learn on their own but I thought I’d tell you ahead of time!
It isn’t buy one get one free, like so many onesies say
There are still two babies to pay for after delivery, two babies for doctor appointments, two babies for clothing, diapers, formula, and everything else. Cute saying, but not accurate beyond that there is one pregnancy for two babies. Everything still costs double.
You don’t need to have family history to conceive twins
One of the biggest questions I get asked when I say I have twins is if I have a family history of twins. While genetics can be a factor with fraternal twins, it is not with identical twins, which are the type of twins I have. Fraternal twins can also be due to in vitro fertilization.
Strangers will stop you CONSTANTLY out in public
This started for me when I was pregnant with twins that a random stranger would stop me all the time asking about my huge belly. Probably because I was so massive that people probably thought I was going to deliver right in the store. After my twins were born and we’d be out in public we’d get stopped even more, everyone asking questions, wanting to see the twins to see if they felt they were actually identical or not, which leads me to…
Strangers will ask you if they’re identical, then question your answer
The general public doesn’t know that identical doesn’t mean they will look 100% the same. They think identical means they look the same. However, as moms of twins, we know that identical refers to the fact that they came from a single egg and a single sperm that split into two once they became a zygote. Whether or not your twins LOOK identical, whether or not they medically are, is annoying to have to go through and defend every time someone stops you. Fraternal twins refers to when separate eggs are fertilized by different sperm.
Curious about the types of twins? Click here for my blog post about the different types of twins.
Strangers will ask you inappropriate questions about how your twins were conceived
This goes along with the one above of being stopped constantly when you have twins. People will also ask you if they were conceived ‘naturally’, something people would never ask a woman with a singleton. It’s up to you how to respond to this question but I suggest having an answer ready for when it happens. I typically would just keep it short and say yes because in my case my twins were conceived naturally, in the sense that most people would refer to.
However, if your twins were conceived with the help of fertility treatments, in vitro fertilization, or other ways, you don’t have to disclose that. You can simply say yes, or no, or that’s none of your business, and walk away. No one has the right to make you feel ‘less than’ regarding how your twins came to be.
You’re a superhero, you made two babies at once!!
Twins don’t always have a ‘twin bond’
Just like any individual, twins are their own people with their own thoughts, ideas, likes, and dislikes. Sure, identical twins share the same genetic material but it doesn’t mean that they will be best friends, be super close, or have an unbeatable twin bond.
They might, but they might not. Just like any two siblings.
The paperwork gets quite repetitive
Whether you’re taking your twins to the doctor, signing them up for school, or extracurricular activities, you’ll not only be filling out two forms but they’ll likely be mainly the same answers for each child. This isn’t always a bad thing, I’ve filled things out for one twin then used that to fill out the paperwork for the other twin so I don’t have to think all over again. Lol Of course, this is only if the information is actually the same for everything including health history, etc., then it gets a little trickier.
Twins sometimes entertain themselves
Sure, twins are twice the work, especially early on but depending on the twins, they may entertain each other down the road. My twins have typically interacted with each other and played together from a young age. Whereas my oldest who is a single baby ALWAYS needed me to be with him for everything and wouldn’t play alone. Which I totally get but all that to say, sometimes it’s nice to have two kids of the same age to entertain themselves…when they’ll do it. 🙂
General OBGYNs typically aren’t knowledgeable about twins
I remember when we found out we were having identical twins, in our shock and uneducated at that point view of twins, we asked the OBGYN nurse if identical twins are always the same gender. The answer is yes but she had to go ask the ultrasound tech if that was the case and even then she didn’t seem fully sure. This was my first red flag that I may need additional care than my traditional OB’s office (and I’m glad I did!). Through research I learned I needed to see Maternal-Fetal Medicine Specialists by the time I was 16 weeks pregnant whereas my healthcare provider hadn’t planned on referring me until I was around 20 weeks of pregnancy.
There are many ways that twin pregnancy is different than a singleton pregnancy, which you can read more about here.
Twin Pregnancies are Higher Risk
Twin pregnancies are at a higher risk for complications and birth defects which require more visits with your healthcare provider and likely Maternal-Fetal Medicine Specialists. High blood pressure, gestational diabetes, low birth weight, preterm labor, possible bed rest, postpartum hemorrhage, and needing to have a cesarean section are just some of the higher risk things your healthcare provider will be on the lookout for throughout your twin pregnancy.
The type of twins you’re pregnant with will determine how high risk your pregnancy is, which I write more about in other blog posts.
It’s not all bad though, I don’t mean to add to your anxiety. Your maternal-fetal medicine specialists are here to help and as long as you always listen to your body and twin mama gut, you’ve done all you can to bring your sweet twins into the world safely.
Traditional new mom advice won’t always ring true for twins
So many moms hear ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’, ‘just relax and your milk will come in’, ‘just hold baby to breast and he’ll calm down’. Yeah…that stuff can work for a singleton, many of them did for my first child, but for twin babies, NO WAY! I never slept with the twins slept, partially because I had an older singleton, but also because there is too much to do when you have twins to sleep and hoping that 1 baby will sleep long enough for me to drift off to sleep is one thing but two?! No way.
Also, many moms of twins have breastmilk supply, latching, or tongue and lip tie issues that make breastfeeding more difficult. It isn’t easy to just hold baby to breast and sit there for 30 minutes like that when you have two babies to feed, comfort, change, and be with overall.
The best advice I have for twin moms is don’t beat yourself up when the traditional mom advice doesn’t work for you.
Especially for the first year of having twins, it’s intense.
One neat thing is twin moms tend to stick together and have a special understanding that only parents of multiples can have.
Just because they’re twins doesn’t mean they’ll always get along
Siblings of any age tend to fight about one thing or another, whether verbally or physically, twins, who are obviously the same age, may have even more disagreements because they want to play with the same toys and have the same interests.
Other times though, they may get along really well, which is so much fun but it all depends.
You don’t need two of everything but it may make life easier
We found there were a lot of things we didn’t need two of but it did make life easier with the items we did have two of. Of course, two car seats, cribs/bassinets, double the bottles, diapers, and wipes, but when it comes to toys you don’t always need two of each but it might make life easier so they aren’t fighting over toys. You only need one diaper bag and one stroller, albeit a double stroller, and one breast pump. Click here for a comprehensive guide of what to buy for twins.
Just because twins slept together in the womb doesn’t mean they should in a crib
SIDS research shows that babies, even twins, need to sleep alone in their bassinets or cribs for the first year of life without any blankets, stuffed animals, or anything else in their cribs. Just a baby on a mattress with a fitted sheet on it. Twins are often premature which also means they’re at higher risk for SIDS as well. Click here to read my blog post about the best bassinets and cribs for twins.
Twin Pregnancy Symptoms are somewhat different than Singleton
Though the basic pregnancy symptoms are similar between twin pregnancies and singleton pregnancies, with twin pregnancies you’re likely to have more severe symptoms that last longer, unfortunately. Because we need that on top of everything else, right?!
Having more severe morning sickness or other twin pregnancy symptoms are often early signs of twins before that first ultrasound where you learn you’re pregnant with twins!
I noticed that with my first positive pregnancy test the line was much darker than it was with my singleton. Yet, I still had no clue I was carrying twins. Many things clicked after that first ultrasound.
With my singleton, I felt great in my second trimester but with my twins, I never had that reprieve. I just kept getting more and more uncomfortable and HUGE!! I was measuring full term when I was just 26 weeks along, which isn’t abnormal for twin pregnancies.
Read more about twin pregnancy symptoms here.
Read More about Twins
As a mom of identical twins and a son two years older, I have gained invaluable experience in the realm, and chaos, of parenting. With a Master's Degree and Education Specialist Degree in School Psychology, I spent years as a school psychologist, helping children navigate through their educational and emotional challenges. Now as a stay at home mom and professional blogger, I combine my areas of expertise to help you in your parenting journey.